Urban Reformation

God has been teaching me a lot lately about differences in people, ministries, families, and life in general.  Some of these differences in people are personal differences, some of them doctrinal differences, some rest in philosophical differences, some are differences, in culture, understanding, presuppositions, and so forth.  As you can tell just in the opening here, there can be a multitude of ways that we can be different than one another.  In general people like to congregate around those things in which they are alike.  I learned recently through a message, on a play on E-Harmony, the title of the message was called “We Harmony.”  It was a husband and wife team who had given Brandy and I a foundation of Christianity for our marriage in our first year of marriage and we are forever grateful for this foundation.    I believe a better title for their message would have been “We Humility.”  Their definition for biblical harmony in marriage stated, that we must sincerely care for the differences of other people and not only for the similarities.  True harmony in marriage comes when we sincerely and truly care for one another’s differences as well as our similarities.   This translates in our marriages as well as in many other types of relationships.  They said that true harmony begins at the place where we begin to care for one another’s differences.  I would say that true humility begins when we begin to care for one another’s differences.

Sound like silly psychobabble yet?  Well let me explain it this way, when we care for people who are like us there is something often “in it” for us.   Often we are “self-fulfilled” by those whom are like us, we feel validated or having value, when we are in disagreement it is how we, in turn, handle those differences which lead down the road of humility or pride.

If we love people when people are like us we are comfortable and it’s easy to carve out in our lives little replica’s in our mind of ourself and as long as they are in agreement with me then we walk in love with one another, but when we disagree, my love for them is conditional and I no longer care for this person.  How many of us are guilty here?  We are often fine in relationships whether with our spouse, friends, even our churches when we align in all areas, but when we differ, and someone doesn’t line up with how “I think,” our idol of self has betrayed us and we soon move on to the next idol which will fulfill or validate our thinking, our life, our theology, whatever the case may be.

I am speaking about this because of my own guilt in it, and God revealing this type of idolatry in my own life.  I would guess that I’m not alone in my thinking.   So the question is how are we to deal with differences?  My wife and I are extremely different, and we have had to learn early on in our marriage to care for those differences, and we are not perfect in it.  In friendships and often in church we can avoid difficult relationships, or people whom we are not like.  It’s easier to be around people who are like us.  We often seek to please our flesh and if our flesh finds it painful to be around people we disengage and seek comfort, and that comfort is often to play to our strengths instead of our weakness.

What I found in listening to the message about “We-Humility” and having care and concern about one another’s differences in marriage,  is that we’re forced to deal with those differences.  It’s not like friendships we can avoid but in marriage governed by God we deal with these differences in two ways.  The first way that we often deal with them is to try to do what we would do in Church or some other relationship, if we find a difference we try to stay away from that topic, or area of discussion.  The problem being is that ultimately in marriage it always comes up again.

I remember when I first got married my wife didn’t have an understanding of  “white collar work” vs. “blue collar work.”  For a long time she thought my many hours on the computer perhaps wouldn’t be classified as work.  I looked at her often and would see that she worked non-stop with her hands and in a “blue collar” sort of way and though I was amazed at her work ethic I must say that her activity showed me my own sin.  Neither one of us could see the other one’s perspective and therefore there was a point of contention for several years in our marriage.  Until at some point in time God granted me the ability to see my wife from His perspective.   I began to look at her the way God sees my wife, as a gift and her attributes which are reflected in God as a gift.  My wife’s work ethic accused my laziness before, and then with His perspective it was her work ethic which now inspired me to do more physical labor, even though I still 10 + years later have a long way to go.   Later she too came to care and understand that even though what I did wasn’t physical labor, that the work I did with my mind became appreciated.  I believe she too came to appreciate, and have a thankfulness for how God had given me the ability to provide for our home.

This is an example in marriage about beginning to care for one another’s differences, humbling our selves and newly understanding that we do not have the corner on “reality” but God does, it is his perspective that matters and not the lens through which I view the world in sin, but through His eyes.  This takes time, repentance, and God’s grace.    Now how does this love and care for one another’s differences take place in our churches and other relationships?

I was reading the word this morning and it seemed to be an answer, but not to my surprise it is much the same as in marriage.

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,  that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love,  may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,  and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called,  with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,  eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism,  one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. – Ephesians 3:14 | 4:1-6

It is out of the love of Christ who is able, in Ephesians 3 that we humble ourselves to walk in a manner worthy of our calling which we all have been called.  I believe also we have to walk this out with one another, this isn’t meant to be done by ourselves.  God does this sanctifying work in His power, in His way, in His time, yet at the same time the differences between my wife and I, wouldn’t have been exposed if we hadn’t come together.   This sin that was sitting below the surface may not have surfaced, I may never have been challenged by her giftedness, if I had kept myself in “self-justify” mode for laziness or “pitty party” for lack of understanding vs. asking God to show me my wife in the way He sees her, then relying upon God to produce in my heart the change.   He is an amazing God, loving us, and then out of that love producing in us the ability to love in the differences of life.

In our places of worship we still must come together to be in “relationship” with one another in order for us to discover, and sharpen, and rub each other in certain ways that God may produce in us transformation through His love.  When we avoid relationships with people who are different than us we are feeding our idol of selfishness.  But Christ called us to die so that we may bear fruit….

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. – John 12:24

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. – Matthew 16:24

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. – Mark 8:34

And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. – Luke 9:23

Where we die to those differences, and begin to love others in their differences in a real way, demonstrates the death of the idol of self, and the truth of sanctification as we walk in a manner worthy of our calling!

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