Urban Reformation

Do you ever get upset with your flesh? I mourn it sometimes, and sometimes I get so sick of my flesh I wish that it did not have the power that I seem to so freely give it under stressful or emotional situations.

I seem to fail so frequently (falling so short of God’s Glory) and undermine the very thing that I had hoped to establish as a believer in our neighborhood, which is that God really does truly transform and change lives. A cross centered life under fire I believe is one that is built over time with a relationship with the living God and demonstrates my need for Christ & the cross. If it occurs to your mind please pray for me for growth in that area of “being under fire but exalting Christ”. Also pray that God would give me a stronger burden for these kids in the area and people and the power to resist my flesh and the devil when it comes to showing them Christ like love.

We have been trying all summer long to reach out to out neighborhood. Let me describe the 4th of July in the North East. It’s absolute mayhem, people all over the place are shooting off fireworks. We often purchase some sparklers and watch the show from the rest of the neighborhood, either from our front or back yard. There are large clouds of smoke often going up and down our block and although active it seemed slightly subdued from last year, perhaps it’s the price of gas.

Needless to say that we still definitely had enough fireworks going all around us to keep us oohing and awing for quite a while. When all of a sudden down over the hill someone threw some fireworks directly at my 6 year old son. I told him to duck and he turned away, but here is where my non Christ-like reaction has me still repenting before my Saviour this evening.

All I could think of at that moment was who in the world would do something like this, and I took off after the two boys and their shadows down the street. Not the wisest thing to do in the hood. I figured I wouldn’t catch up but before I know it I had them cornered at one of their parents houses. All of a sudden I found myself in a loud voice yelling “How could you throw fireworks at a 6 year old what’s wrong with you?” I asked what his name was and I will have his name now etched in my mind. I was reacting in fear, and anger, protecting my son, but at the same time I was negating Christ protection over my son, I was walking faithlessly in the midst of a situation with only my emotions guiding me at the time. The frustration and anger came out in my voice I could feel it as I questioned him and asked him why….

James 3:7-8, Proverbs 21:23 and Proverbs 29:11

The young man apologized but it didn’t take away the fact that I came down the street and making myself out to be a fool when I could have demonstrated a Christ like attitude in the midst of strife, and conflict. I’m sure I made an impression on his household and it completely negated what we have been attempting to demonstrate this summer as believers and follower of Jesus Christ.

We all contribute to either bringing someone toward Christ or repelling them away from Christ, ultimately God is sovereign. However, our behavior, our words, our priorities, our attitudes, our emotional responses, even our thoughts and motives, all contribute the testimony about God in our lives. What a convicting thought!

Every time I react in anger or sinful frustration, every time I respond with impatience in my words or every time I am motivated by selfishness or pride, I’m not just affecting my own testimony but the ultimately I’m affecting the testimony of Christ going forward into a sinful world. I am saying something about my savior, and unfortunately in this case I was saying He was not sufficient. Oh what lies your flesh speaks to you at times.

I did just that this evening, and I am not only angry with myself but realize I must repent…., and perhaps if given the opportunity with this young man, I will need to apologize to him for my poor heart attitude.

I praise God my son was fine, but I also pray that God would use this to help me be aware of my sin in those moments. I pray that I’ll have opportunity again with this young man, his name is Chris. Please pray for him but most of all that the testimony of Christ would be greater than my sin in the neighborhood and that God would be glorified somehow in this situation this evening! I am so weak…. and so often faithless. Pray that we would know that His Grace is greater than circumstance, and sufficient for each happening & moment of our lives.  Pray also that I would have a sensitivity and a burden for each person I encounter in the North East, each soul.

I praise God for remaining faithful when I am faithless.

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